1. Think about your priorities and values
Is church and the church family something you want to prioritise? Justin and I love Christ City Church and it’s a big part of our lives. We want to make sure this continues, and we really want Faye to grow up in the church family. I mentioned how important this is to me in my last blog post. Knowing this helps when things are tough and events don’t quite suit us, or are more difficult to do with Faye.
2. Change your expectations
If you’ve decided church is important (see point 1 above), you’ll need to change your expectations of Sundays. Gone are the days of chatting freely without distraction and listening to what’s going on without interruption. Sometimes you might wonder why you bothered, because you missed the whole service and got sicked/pooed on, but please don’t make the mistake of thinking no-one will notice or care if you’re there. Families are good for everyone in church, and people will love having you there. They may also laugh at your sick/poo stories, and hold your baby while you clean yourself up. Other benefits of Sundays are coffee you don’t have to make yourself, and food that is easily consumed with one hand. I find that even if I end up missing most of the service, I still just about manage to chat to a few people and that really helps me feel part of things. I also think it’s important that Faye gets familiar with the Sunday surroundings and people, and hopefully she’ll feel comfortable and at home there.
3. Plan ahead
When you become a parent, going anywhere with your baby involves taking tons of stuff. Before leaving the house I find myself reciting in my head.. ‘nappies, wipes, bottle, muslin, spare clothes, blanket, toy…’. I also think through the day – when might she have a nap and what time will we leave, when will I feed her, etc. This helps me and makes things less stressful when we’re there. So with Sundays I think through the timings, and how we’ll try and get her to nap if we need to, at what point might I go out to the creche and do I have everything in the bag that I’ll need? We also don’t tend to do much else on Sundays, so we can relax in the morning and have enough energy for the afternoon.
4. Think beyond Sundays
If you’re at home looking after your baby during the day, find out who else is around – there are lots of people in CCC with different schedules who have free time on at least some days. Or how about inviting someone over in the evening? You don’t have to cook a gourmet dinner for them – just stick a pizza in the oven, or better still, ask them to bring dinner! For me, this has been important for staying connected with church friends. I really appreciate people coming over to see me and Faye. It gives me a chance to catch up properly with them, and they can spend a bit of time with Faye as well. Justin and I have just started having a few people over for an evening every so often, and we’ve realised it’s really good for us, especially as we can’t go to as many social things and events as we used to. Please feel free to invite yourself over if you like (and bring dinner!!)
5. Be flexible and don’t worry when it all goes wrong
There will definitely be those days (probably lots of them) where things don’t go to plan, or you’re just too tired, or it’s already been a rough day and the baby is finally sleeping, and you wouldn’t wake him/her even if the President came round. I’ve gone through stages of trying to do everything, then going the other way and doing nothing, and I hope I’m finally getting a balance (who am I kidding, I’m not there yet!). Of course it’s fine to miss some Sundays and other church events. Church is not about attendance, it’s about family. If we’ve missed a few things, I find it helpful to check in with a couple of church friends, even just on WhatsApp. And I know I can ask them to pray for me when things are tough.
6. Re-think serving in church
When you have a baby you’ll probably need to stop being on a serving team for a while, or whatever you may have helped with in church. Your primary focus needs to be on caring for the little one, especially in the first 6-12 months, and you probably won’t be able to turn up early or stay late, or do much without the baby. It’s ok to have a season where you can’t serve in church. And if you do feel like you still want to do something there are a few things that aren’t always obvious. I joined the prayer team because I can pray for people any time of day, and I can do it with Faye. I also think both Faye and I can serve others in church by being available to hang out, have cuddles and play, and listen. Hopefully that can be a way of serving us and others. At some point I might join a Sunday serving team again, but at the moment we’ll keep it that Justin is on a team and I’m not, just to avoid us trying to do too much.
7. Let people help you
I’m not always very good at this, but we have had lots of offers of help since Faye was born and I really appreciate it. Whether it’s someone holding the baby for a while, finding something for you in that bottomless changing bag you have, or getting you a cup of tea, please don’t be afraid to ask for and accept help. A lot of people will be desperate to hold your cute baby anyway. At first on Sundays I was quite anxious and didn’t really want to give Faye to anyone, but now I’m very happy to – it just depends if she’s happy with it! Let’s remember we’re a family and asking for help is one way of showing that. Justin and I are also fortunate that there are two of us, so we take it in turns to look after Faye during the service and the other person can have a break and join in fully. If both parents are in church, it’s great if you can help each other out and give each other a break. And if you’re on your own, people will be only too happy to help you, so do ask. It’s also good that there are a few of us with babies now, and those who’ve been there before us, so there are people who can empathise with your struggles!
So these are my thoughts, from mine and Justin’s experience of the last six months. If you’re already a parent and reading this, why not comment below with any more tips?
By Caroline Anderson
I literally am falling apart with anticipation of holding her. I hope she likes me. #48 days.