Very often in life the things that count are the things that take you outside of your comfort zone; it’s when we’re being stretched and challenged that we grow, it’s when we’re in unchartered territory that we mature, it’s as the pressure reveals who we ‘really are’ (with our weaknesses and strengths) that we are able to develop.
And that is why I say be careful! when you consider Life Groups, because if you don’t want to find out who you really are, you should stay away from them. If you want an easy life, a life where you only see yourself as you want to see yourself, stay as far away from Life Groups as you possibly can.
I have said before that life groups are same sex groups, of 2-4 people, who commit intentionally to one another, for a certain time and with certain disciplines, in order to see more of ‘the life of Christ’ (Galatians 4:19) formed in each member. I have listed a number of resources that you can use to get going with a life group if you’re interested. Whilst they are often quite informal, or they start quite informally, for them to work you have to be willing to be challenged and corrected, and you have to be willing to be vulnerable and confess your sin.
Here is a video that explains a bit about life groups, with some more explanation about them below.
A helpful way to think about Life Groups is to reflect briefly on what Paul says at the end of Galatians when he talks about the Fruit of the Spirit. Paul is speaking to a church that is split into 2 groups that are “biting” at each other, they do not get on at all. And he says in Galatians 5:13-26,
13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbour as yourself.”[Leviticus 19:18] 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
Notice four things about this passage:
- Freedom – Holiness is not a boring matter, and it certainly isn’t a duty. Paul wants us to be free. Not in the modern sense of “doing what I want to do”, but in the biblical sense of “doing what I was made to do”. Paul wants no sin to have mastery over us. He wants Christ’s death and forgiveness to free us from any sense of duty, but also from selfishness. Both problems were rearing their heads in Galatia.
- Love One Another – this is a summary of the whole of the Old Testament. How do I grow into the person God wants me to be? Answer, I learn to love those who are not like me. As Proverbs 27:17 says, it will be like “iron sharpening iron”. When I engage with someone else and let them in to my life, it will challenge me and get rid of rough edges. I’ll start to become smooth as the other person helps me see who I really am, with all my prejudices, idols, sin and insecurities. It won’t necessarily be pleasant, but I’ll start to shine as a result. So in Life Groups you learn to love others deeply, and this is one of God’s primary means of changing us.
- Internal War – There is a war going on inside each one of us, it’s the flesh vs the Spirit. In Life Groups you hold each other to account on how you’re doing in this war. Are you sowing to the Spirit or are you sowing to the flesh?
- Which aspect of the Fruit of the Spirit most challenges you? Which bit is most lacking in your life? Why? What truths do you need to believe to grow in this area?
- Which aspects of the flesh are most prevalent in your life? What habits of sin can you not break? Why? What truths do you need to believe to grow in this area?
- The Spirit – We’re not about legalism, we’re about the Spirit. The danger of committing intentionally to pursuing holiness through accountability with others is that you can quickly end up with a list of dos and don’ts and the Life Group becomes nothing more than a chance to see who is doing the best. Who is superior? Who is more holy? But Paul says that the Spirit is not only contrary to the flesh, but also to the law. When you live by the Spirit then you do not live by the law. You are not trying to earn merit points before God. So Life Groups are about helping one another to learn to trust in and walk by the Spirit more and more each day. We cannot change ourselves, he needs to change us.
In his commentary on Galatians John Stott helps us understand the principle that Paul goes on to talk about in the next few verses – we reap what we sow.
The seeds we sow are largely thoughts and deeds. Every time we allow our mind to harbour a grudge, nurse a grievance, entertain an impure fantasy, or wallow in self-pity, we are sowing to the flesh. Every time we linger in bad company, whose insidious influence we know we cannot resist, every time we lie in bed when we ought to be up and praying, every time we read pornographic literature, every time we take a risk which strains our self-control, we are sowing, sowing, sowing to the flesh. Some Christians sow to the flesh every day and wonder why they do not reap holiness. Holiness is a harvest; whether we reap it or not depends almost entirely on what and where we sow.
So how can we sow to the Spirit? Stott doesn’t mention Life Groups as such, but gives a pretty good indication of what a Life Group should be doing:
To ‘sow to the Spirit’ is the same as ‘to set the mind on the Spirit’ (Rom. 8:6) and to ‘walk by the Spirit’ (Gal. 5:16, 25). Again, the seeds we sow are our thoughts and deeds. We are to ‘seek’ and to ‘set our minds on’ the things of God, ‘things that are above, not . . . things that are on earth’ (Col. 3:1, 2; contrast Phil. 3:19). By the books we read, the company we keep and the leisure occupations we pursue, we can be ‘sowing to the Spirit’. Then we are to foster disciplined habits of devotion in private and in public, in daily prayer and in Bible reading, and in worship with the Lord’s people on the Lord’s Day. All this is ‘sowing to the Spirit’; without it, there can be no harvest of the Spirit, no ‘fruit of the Spirit’.
As I hinted at the beginning of this blog post, Life Groups are not for those who want to hide from who they really are and live life without anyone confronting them. But if you would dare to commit to one, and dare to be vulnerable about your sin and your struggles then WATCH OUT… they’re dangerous, you will not be left the same, you’ll be changed! The Life of Christ will start to form itself in you and you’ll discover freedom, true freedom!
For an example of how Life Groups can change you and the power of deep intimate friendships read Eben’s Story and listen to his talk