Leadership and the Book of Nehemiah
Emily reflects on her decision to do 6.30 Leadership which is at 6.30AM and what she learned during her time doing the course. We hope it encourages you to think through doing one of our 6.30 courses.
Written by Emily Murtagh
One night in February 2023, I could not sleep. I knew 6.30 leadership was starting the next day. As someone who was then regularly late for a job that started at 10am, I was most definitely not signed up, and most definitely had no plans to do so. At 1am, I said to God – “if you want me to go to 6.30AM leadership, you’re going to have to wake me up”, then set my alarm for the normal time of 8am and went to sleep.
I woke at 05.12.
Thus I was left with absolutely no choice but to get up and jump on the Luas, sending Steve a text en route that I would in fact be joining the group.
I loved each and every session we all shared together. I loved seeing the sky in the morning over the abandoned Sandyford towers as I half jogged to the Luas at Kilmacud. I loved trying to guess why everyone was up and out so early on the 5.45 commute. I loved that when we started the winter mornings were dark and by the end the spring mornings were bright. I loved sitting over coffee and pancakes and reflecting on the book of Nehemiah, with members of my church, whom I love. I loved the chats in little coffee shops after. The same way that late nights lend themselves to a certain type of intimate conversation, so too did the surreal quality of early mornings in Dublin. I really feel that I absorbed some new thoughts through what was shared, both in the sessions and after.
The Three P’s
One of the questions asked in one of the sessions was, are you more of a planner or a prayer. In keeping with Nehemiah’s model of beginning with confession; I had to admit that I was decidedly neither; and for me anything future oriented has been primarily characterised by nothing but panic. In certain contexts I find myself very afraid of lots of very normal things; like emails, phone calls, sometimes voice notes, starting things, finishing things. Until approximately 2021 I never used a calendar of any description. I am immensely useful, usually, if you need something done now, maybe even tomorrow. Beyond that, you’re probably better off finding someone else.
This mindset has been debilitating, especially when it comes to anything that relates to leadership. I remember the physical distress I felt of finding myself at a Christian Union planning WEEKEND back in college, not a planning day, but a full weekend away for the committee, dedicated to filling in every single speaker slot for the entire college year.
To make any sort of plan one has to trust themselves, and trust the God that is working through them and believe that one’s ideas might in fact be good ideas, even holy ideas, and thus worth actioning. Historically, I have taken extremely literally the promise that God had a plan for my life; that he knows the plans he has for me; plans to prosper me and not to harm me; that plans are his area of expertise, not mine. Exploring Nehemiah’s pattern of confessional prayer, then very detailed planning in order to be able to answer the king’s questions, then meaningful action in Nehemiah 2 and learning verses like
“The horse is prepared for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to the Lord”
Proverbs 21:31
“The noble man makes noble plans and by noble plans he stands”
Isaiah 32:8
have shook me out of this fearful mindset (or at least begun the process).
I want to make beautiful, noble plans like Nehemiah and I want to trust enough to action them, to be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power, and be flexible in how God might shape or change these plans as time progresses. I want to pray well and then plan well and then act with eyes and ears open. I want to know the joy of stepping back from weeks of work; to be able to admire finished walls. I have started to practice this. I planned to finish up at work and have done so. I have planned a few things for this summer. I have begun to dream about my longer term future. I have a full Google calendar now.
The Dream Team
I think this also fits in as well with the idea of the collective, which is so evident throughout the book of Nehemiah. Given the difficulties I have with planning, and breaking larger projects into manageable steps, I need to surround myself with people who love booking flights and who adore spreadsheets, both so that we can use our respective strengths but also so we can learn from each other. I need to work and serve with people who hold me accountable and dismantle the lie of what I believe I cannot do.
Prophet, Priest or King
As well as working on my weaknesses of planning and organisation, I also learned that I need to lean into leadership opportunities where my strengths at immediate face-to-face interactions can be utilised. I liked the breakdown of the three roles of priest, prophet and king that we used in the sessions. It is so clear from the whole book how much Nehemiah loved Jerusalem and was motivated by his care for its people’s welfare and fate.
I have always loved being with people and loved listening and encouraging people. But I think I have had an intuition that there were a lot of things I needed to grow in and learn before I could do this well beyond quite informally with my friends and community in church.
I loved reflecting in the second last session, on Nehemiah’s pattern of pondering his feelings, and then responding. I am lit up by anything that involves emotions and exploring how people can cope better with difficult relationships, conversations and situations. It is so encouraging for me to be part of a church where leaders not only speak about this but also demonstrate the importance of this, and who are visibly growing in this area year on year. It is a privilege to know people over long periods of time to get to see this and learn from it.
Lament
I don’t think anyone can lead well until they have become truly emotionally intelligent or committed to growing in this area; knowing their triggers and learning how to process emotions both alone with God and with others – either professionals or wise friends. All leadership involves confronting difficult emotions both in oneself and others daily. We cannot lead people who are not in a good place yet, until we have grace for them and understand what might be holding them back or causing patterns to keep replaying.
I love that Nehemiah models lament powerfully as part of his process too. Until we have allowed God to heal our inner self, we will never be able to take criticism in a way that leads to growth, or be able to set new healthier patterns for ourselves or others.
Last year, following a difficult period in my life, and a well timed bout of Covid 19, I stayed in my room for a week (as government-advised at the time), cried for a week, and journalled through all the Psalms (which took longer than a week). Since then, I have found myself several times very actively aware of how much more deeply I am able to be present with people now, of some core wound that was replaced by the knowledge as God’s love and his Spirit as my very centre – Cor Ad Cor Loquitur: Heart Speaks to Heart. I feel a sense that I am now fully present with people for the first time — ever, without the hum of anxiety (or at least with a much quieter hum).
I definitely see a need for more people to go through processes like this, and have great hope for everyone based on my own experiences that we are being transformed into his likeness with ever increasing glory – that we are in a process, not a fixed state.
The Perfumer and the Goldsmith
I was also interested in the perfumer and the goldsmith mentioned in Chapter 3 of Nehemiah, who left down their everyday tools to put their hands to building the wall. It is a reminder that good leaders do what needs to be done, even if it’s not their natural flow state. I wonder did they incorporate gold leaf, or petals into the fabric of the walls, secret messages of a different form of beauty? I wonder did they return to their gold and petals after, or did they find out they actually loved getting their hands dirty, and stayed on the building sites? Or did they find a third way of life that was both beautiful and extremely practical?
I am praying now that as an artsy-social person, who has somehow been in a policy job for 3.5 years, I can find a path that embodies a little bit of both. I hope that I can keep going in my journey of healing and being comforted so that I can be equipped to comfort others and be part of their healing journeys – find my next little spot in the wall to work on, and maybe lead in a priestly sort of way through that.
May we all know our potential, may we grow together and find our spot on the wall and, may God always wake us from our slumber when there is somewhere he needs us to be.