The Baskins and Andersons’ experience
Over the years a question Leanne and I have repeatedly been asked by new parents is – “how does church work with young kids?”
The new parent may not have asked that exact question, but that summarises one of the conundrums of new parents – getting all the kids dressed and out of the house is hard enough… and now to a church service??!!
Leanne and I had to ask this question ourselves many years ago (our kids are now 14 and 15); and had to adapt, prepare, examine our expectations, set new expectations, reflect on our own hearts and consider what it means to belong to a local church. We’re still doing that!
It has been a great joy to see many young children come along to CCC and become part of the church family. And it has been a great privilege that the parents have given us (the church) the opportunity to support them, in an often vulnerable and stretching season of life, and get to know their children.
Two sets of parents that have modelled so well what it means to ‘do church with kids’ – in all the ups and downs – are Maffy and Emma Baskin, and Justin and Caroline Anderson. I commend their example to you. To help other young parents think through ‘how to do church with kids?’ I asked them all a series of questions. Below are their answers. I hope you find them helpful…
1. How many kids do you have and how old are they?
Caroline:
We have three kids – Faye (8), Ruby (6) and Jed (3).
Maffy:
Emma and I have three daughters – Abigail who turned 3 at the end of January, Sarah who turned 1 at the end of April; and Amelia, who was born in March 2025. So Emma and I have a 3 year old, followed by a big baby and a small baby with 10 months separating them!
2. What are the greatest joys and challenges of being a parent when it comes to participation in a local church?
Emma:
One of the greatest joys is watching people invest in our children, take the time to get to know them and show them that they care. I hope that if a time ever comes when our girls won’t want to tell their Mum or Dad something they will have an older person from church who has known them, loved them and invested in them from childhood who will be able to step in and support them and ultimately guide them to God and His word. Another joy is seeing them learn things about God for the first time. Listening to their questions and even listening to Abigail proclaim some of the stories/attributes of God we’ve taught her as truth.
Caroline:
A big joy for me is our kids being known in church. And now they’re a bit older, seeing them form their own relationships with other kids and adults in church. I also love it when they’ve had a good time in the kids groups and when they engage with and start singing the songs we sing on Sundays.
Justin:
I’d agree with what Caroline has said and add that it is a joy to see the joy that our kids can bring to other people at the church service.
Maffy:
Witnessing first hand the intergenerational nature of church, knowing our kids are welcomed, loved, can participate and belong in an inter-generational church family. By extension, our nuclear family is integrated with our spiritual family. This is a great joy because we can share our kids with our other family members, by being supported and in turn supporting others. Having a range of people invest in our children’s lives through sharing and modelling the gospel is a great picture of nurturing children in the Christian faith. They not only are hearing of the gospel of Jesus, but get to see it evidenced in how our nuclear family belonging to a spiritual family is a wonderful reflection of our belonging to Christ.
Emma:
The challenges are mostly around being able to fully engage in the service and being free to chat to others after. These can be difficult if you’ve a couple of kids needing your attention.
Caroline:
The biggest challenge is often getting to the Sunday service – it’s often a big stress just getting them all ready and trying to leave on time and remember all the snacks, spare clothes etc etc. When our kids were younger I found it hard if I missed a lot of what was going on because I was caring for them – now that’s definitely easier as they are old enough to be left in the kids groups but it’s still difficult sometimes to connect with other people when a child is constantly wanting my attention. And difficult sometimes to feel like I’m connecting with God and engage with what’s going on in the service.
Maffy:
Navigating some of the practicalities with young kids, such as nap times, feeding or even getting out of the house is tricky, and often quite draining. Sometimes just making it to church feels like both a challenge and success! Therefore, to even think about participating, serving and getting involved in the lives of others at times can feel like a mountain to climb. That being said, by belonging to a church family we have been able to lean heavily on the support of others, who are perhaps in a different season to us, who have a surplus to accommodate for our present lack – and that’s incredibly, humbling, reassuring and a beautiful reflection on the interdependence a church family can have.
3. How has the church helped you as you adjust to parenthood?
Maffy:
Practically, having a meal rota in place, where we put ourselves somewhat at the mercy of others who cook and provide for us for the first two weeks has been a game changer. In a culture where the nuclear family is relied heavily upon in the early days of parenthood, we are able to tell a different story, particularly encouraging those who don’t have any extended family nearby. Being well supported in practical, emotional and spiritual means in those early days has shown us that raising kids in the city away from extended family is not only viable, but an incredibly positive experience.
Justin:
Having people who take an interest in us and our kids is great and also seeing others going through what we are or have done.
Emma:
We have found some amazing friends in CCC. We are very grateful for them. When we had Abigail, we were really blown away by everyone’s support in those early days and months. And even though she is now 3, we’ve found the support hasn’t stopped. That’s been the same for Sarah and Amelia as well. We have friends who we know if needed, we could rely on last minute to help us out. Equally, we’ve never been stuck for a babysitter. Raising a family away from family can be difficult, but our church family have made it not only possible but viable.
Caroline:
People help all the time by being interested in our kids and making an effort to get to know them. And also by being interested in me as a person and not just a mum. We’ve also been helped practically with babysitting, and by having others that we can get advice and wisdom on different things to do with parenting. I’m not always very good at asking, but when I have asked I’ve found people happy to help.
4. How did your expectations change of how you engaged with church after becoming a parent? (How easy was it for you to adapt and change expectations?)
Justin:
I think my expectations have changed in a good way from receiving from church mainly on a Sunday to more through City Group and church relationships.
Emma:
It was definitely challenging for me to adapt, given Maffy’s role in CCC. A lot of the Sundays Maffy is serving in a role that requires him to be fully engaged in the service, meaning I have to look after the girls myself. There have definitely been a lot of Sundays where I’ve wondered why I even bothered going to church. But it is a season and while I may find Sundays hard, others have found such joy in seeing my girls at church and it’s reminded me that I want my girls to be known by others. I want them to build those relationships and trust. So it is very worthwhile going, even in the more challenging seasons. Abigail is now old enough for Treehouse, which is a massive blessing for me. I’ve found others are keen to help me out. There is always someone willing to make sure Sarah doesn’t run away on me (shout out to Helena and Sayf). And lots of people are willing to hold or cuddle Amelia. It takes a village, as they say. The key thing for me is to be ok with accepting help and not afraid to ask for it.
Caroline:
It’s probably helped me realise and remember that church isn’t just about me and what I want, what I can get out of it. Before kids, it was easy to go along to Sundays and other events and get involved. Once we had kids everything was a lot more effort and we didn’t get to join in as much. But remembering that church is about being part of God’s community, and wanting our kids to be part of that – to be blessed by it and be a blessing to others – is what keeps us making the effort.
Maffy:
As with entering into parenthood, for the first, second or however many times, expectations are key to set – then be evaluated, possibly thrown out and then reset again. As the Scottish poet Robert Burns once said, ‘our best made plans often go awry’. So it is with our expectations with church engagement in the various seasons of parenthood, as we try to navigate what works, what doesn’t work, what is sustainable and what needs to change. With this comes the need for clear communication, support & grace for one another as parents.
One of the beautiful aspects of belonging to the local church is our transparency and vulnerability as we allow and welcome others into the chaos and mess. This is most acutely felt when we’re at the back of the church hall, having a difficult time with the kids and are struggling to engage – when someone gets up from their seat, comes over and takes one of our children into their hands. Given the human heart’s inclination toward independence and self-sufficiency it requires intentional vulnerability to accept help and even more so to ask for help, particularly when our best-laid have gone awry.
5. What did you learn about your heart and about God when you became a parent?
Emma:
How immense and deep his love is for us. Our love that we have for our girls is flawed, yet we love them more than we are able to say with words. Yet, God’s love is not flawed. It’s really unfathomable! We also learnt how selfish we naturally are.
Maffy:
The desires of my heart are much more selfish than what I thought! I was equally amazed at my capacity to love deeply and give sacrificially! This isn’t an oxymoron, but instead a helpful insight into the fallenness of humanity to look out for number one, while recognising that God has wired us in such a way to have a huge capacity to care for and love others. So becoming a parent has magnified both the dark side of the human heart along with God’s common grace each and every person has been given.
God’s patience and love for me is even deeper than the love I have for my three children, which is difficult to get my head around! I can see how in the movies parents don’t think twice about sacrificing themselves for the sake of their kids. What a striking, awful yet beautiful picture we have that God experienced a cosmic separation from his one and only Son, so that we would never have to. At the heart of love is death – and embodying this in our parenting has been a helpful reminder of the love of God extended toward all of us!
Caroline:
I’ve learnt so much about my own sin and it is not pretty! But I’ve also learnt more – and am still needing to learn it – about God’s grace, forgiveness and unconditional love for me. I’ve felt disappointed that I’m not that lovely, patient mum I was really hoping I would be – but I’m choosing to let that lead me more towards Jesus, who has that covered instead of me.
Justin:
I would echo what Caroline has said particularly regarding revealing areas of sin – mainly anger – that wasn’t shown as much as before. Also I’ve come to appreciate more how great God’s fatherly love is to me compared to my sometimes abject fathering.
6. What practical things have been vital for you to help you participate in church life with kids?
Caroline:
The fact that we are very relaxed on Sundays and don’t mind a bit of noise and chaos is really important. I think if I had to spend the whole time trying to keep the kids quiet that would be too difficult. And then being able to do some church things without the kids helps for connecting in. For example me and Justin have taken it in turns to go to Prayer & Worship Night, City Group and other evening events – or we’ve tried to host them at our house so we can both be there.
Maffy:
When we hear from the front of the church – along with other leaders and church family members – that our kids are welcomed, loved and the noise is expected; that is a loving reassurance, particularly when we feel the exact opposite inside.
Strength of relationships and a bond of trust with those we love, whom we can rely upon, and who will take it upon themselves to actively care for our kids, even when we haven’t been brave enough to ask for it.
As parents, having grace for one another might not sound practical, but being united first of all to Christ and then to one another makes the largest difference when participating week-in week-out in a local church.
Emma:
A space to bring our kids to. We love the space down the back as it gives us the option to be present in the service, but then the self-service crèche is great if we need to take the girls out. The kids programme is amazing! Abigail loves Treehouse and it’s such a blessing for us as parents to have that so that we can engage in the service.
7. What advice would you give to other parents in CCC?
Maffy:
Whether you’re a single parent, struggling parent or ‘smashing-it’ parent, our worth, acceptance and dignity is not wrapped up in the performance of our parenting, nor in the behaviour of our kids. Instead all of these are given to us through faith, by the grace of God. We are loved, treasured and accepted on the basis of who Jesus is, what he has achieved for us on the cross and thankfully not on the basis of what we bring to the table (which isn’t very much as a parent).
Emma:
Invest in others in the church without kids. It can be easy to click with other mums but make the effort to build relationships with others as well. You can both be a blessing to each other.
Caroline:
It’s always worth coming along to Sundays and other events, even when it feels like it’s not. We need everyone in CCC, including the parents and kids – you’re much more of a blessing than you realise. Also – let other people help you and try not to pretend everything’s fine all the time! And it’s worth thinking through what you can take turns to go to (if both parents are in CCC), when you can bring the kids along with you, or whether you can host something.
8. What resources do you recommend to other parents in CCC?
Maffy:
Tea and Tots – our WhatsApp groups and gatherings in North and South Dublin for parents and young kids – are an invaluable support, giving perspective to every season, and serve as a gift from God to both give to other parents and children as well as receive from other parents and children.
The book ‘Shepherding a Child’s Heart’ by Ted Tripp is a fantastic resource – (one I could really do with returning to again!)
The resources of the local church! When it’s easier to stay at home, to tune in online, or drop back from community I would so strongly encourage you to turn up – even if in the moment it seems like a waste of time. Our children will come to see how important the local gathering together of believers is as they grow up – and while the fruit may look like a long way off, while there may not be any signs of green shoots through, there are seeds planted and germinating that we trust God in for the months and years to come.
Caroline:
Probably the most helpful resource has been other Christians – both with kids of a similar age and with older kids. I’ve had lots of conversations with Leanne and found that really helpful as she’s tackled all the issues with different ages before me! These are a few other things I’ve discovered as well…
- Christmas and Easter sticker calendars from https://godventure.co.uk/ – we’ve enjoyed doing these the last couple of years.
- Colin Buchanan’s songs (on Spotify, YouTube etc) – we’re loving these at the moment. He has some really good songs which are Bible verses put to music. Our current favourite is Lamentations Ch.3 v.22-23
- Parenting without Panic by Rachel Gilson – I’m reading this at the moment and liking it so far.
- I’ve found some of the articles and podcasts from Risen Motherhood helpful – https://www.risenmotherhood.com/
You can find more parenting resources listed from our CCC Parenting Seminar series.